So far since I have been here, there have been things that have happened that I just couldn't make up. In no particular order....
1. An ANA Captain kept a shipment of ammo for 5 months out of spite. Pure spite. In this shipment were EOD assets that the terrorists in this country would love to use against us. C4, Det Cord, Blasting Caps-a lot of it. It took 5 months for the Unit who requested it to realize they never got it. When the Unit came to us and asked where this is at, we wondered too. A huge investigation was underway to figure it out. In the process of the investigation it was suspected to be in 5 different places. It was even suspected to be in a weapons cache-which was the scariest. Paperwork for this had been forged, it was just plain BAD. Then one day, this Captain who speaks very good English and could be mistaken as American came forward and said he had it. What? Are you for real? Our guy, Satar started to tell us the story that he had come forward because he knew there was an investigation going on. He had intercepted the shipment because he had received a shipment of straight tracer ammo and he wanted ball ammo and because he didn't get what he wanted, he kept everything and told nobody about it. So he said he would be at the FSD office in the morning with the assets. Yeah, I would believe that when I saw it. Next day, 1000 came and went. The Major came over and asked where he was, to be precise, it was 1020 at that time. Satar said, he will be here and if he doesn't come, he would go into Khandahar city and bring him back by the ear. The Major was not satisfied with that answer and said he would go and just start looking in containers at random. We said, that won't work, this guy is the only one with the keys and knows where it is at. It makes no sense whatsoever to just start opening containers! But, who am I? I have been in for 18 years, clearly I am an idiot. So Satar and I continued what we were doing, sorting out some weapons for a new unit. Next thing I know, the Major pulls up-I am going to get the assets right now, the guy is behind the ANA Dining Facility. Really? So we all piled in the truck to race after him. Wild goose chase. We get there, there is no guy, there are containers and the Major thinking he is going to strong arm his way in. Fail. So, Satar said a few choice words about the Major and we went back to the FSD office. Guess who was there? The guy with the assets. We go to the truck, look in the back and see most of the assets, but, not all of them. We tell him it is not safe here with all these people who could be at risk if the C4 has become unstable at all, we need to go to the ASP (Ammunition Storage Point) to pull it all out of the truck to inventory it. He was fine with that. He is still pissed about Kabul sending him the wrong ammo and was continuing to bitch about it. We told him we don't care, all we care about is the ammo in front of us. I make a call to my Chief up in Kabul to let him know the situation, we have visual on some of it, not all of it and we are going to the ASP for verification and safety reasons. No problem. We get out to the ASP and all of it is there, except the 480 sticks of C4! Great. But, the Capt says, it may be in another one of his depot locations, it is an hour away, so it will take a little while. What choice do we have but to see if he will bring it back or not. He brought back the rest and it was all there, seals were intact etc. We were all having some chai, which is tea-I drink a lot of it here. We offered him a cup and he said, no time for chai, he needs to get that C4. I knew at that point-he would be bringing it back. Afghans always have time for chai. I called the Chief and explained the situation and that I would let him know if there was any changes. No problem. So we go to lunch. I stopped off at the office to check email etc. I see an email that the Major sent saying that ALL of the assets had been found. Really? He didn't even bother to come to the ASP to look. I went to lunch. When I got back I told the Major that all the assets have not been found, that the C4 was still missing, the most critical asset in the whole mess. So, he had to send a new email that it hadn't been found. I at this time...knew that the guy was on his way with the C4-but, well I kept that part to myself. Let the Major look like an ass, I don't care. We meet up with the guy and head to the ASP and it is all there. I called the Chief and let him know-all is good, he did say-wow your Major doesn't know anything does he? Ha-ha.....So we shook hands with ANA Captain, drank some chai and he went on his way. We got pictures of it all, pictures with holding the C4-all of it and we have been exonerated of the investigation-everyone thought we had it in our possession the whole time. Then, I called the Major and let him know it had been found. I should add of course, the Major took credit for finding it, inventorying it-everything. Although he is in not of the validation pictures....idiot.
2. Frenchy the idiot and the C4. Frenchy is a French-Canadian soldier in the Canadian Army. He is more French and doesn't really deserve to be called a Canadian. So, in calling him Frenchy-I mean zero disrespect, this guy is an ass. Frenchy is part of the Unit who requested the EOD assets mentioned above. He is the one who brought it to our attention it was missing in the first place and we started the ball rolling in where was it. He said he needed it quite badly and was adamant about finding it and since it had been determined as missing, he even put in a new request. Now, if you are this eager about getting it it would lead a person to assume that you have a safe and secure place to store it. We do not have a safe and secure place to store it. We had to put a guard on it and worry about it the whole time. So, when the assets came in, I called Frenchy and said it is here, when do you want to come get it. He said right now-great. I said though, you need an ANA soldier with you who can sign for the assets, it can't be Coalition force to Coalition Force, it needs to be ANA to ANA to take care of this. He said no problem. There was a problem though. They guy wouldn't sign for it. Frenchy wouldn't agree to where they were going to store it. They were going to put it in a container 25 ft away from their sleeping quarters. Having that stuff in a container that close was a suicide mission. I agreed with Frenchy how dangerous that is. But, the deal was-on KAF there is a place to store it where it is safe and secure and that is what had been done in the past. But, Frenchy and his ANA guy that he mentors don't see eye to eye. Not a shock really since French previously punched one of the ANA for disagreeing with them....So, Frenchy and his ANA guy come to the FSD to sign the paperwork and it is discovered at this time the problem with thier lack of trust relationship. His ANA didn't trust him to take it to KAF and store it and the ANA Capt is not allowed in the ASP at KAF, so he wouldn't let him take it. The only way he would sign is if he could store it where he wanted to. Frenchy disagreed. We tried talking to the Unit's commander and he said the only way he would sign the paperwork is if it would be in the container next to them. We told Frenchy, maybe you should have him sign the paperwork, put it in the container next to them and readdress the moving to KAF in a couple days when your tempers are not so high and the issue has calmed down some. Try to build some trust with him and let him have this decision, then re approach. So-we got to that point and they came into the office ready to sign the paperwork. Then this happened....first about your interpreter. Your interpreter should have a good enough sense to know when and when not to translate stuff. Especially when you can tell a person is venting and that what they are saying could potentially hurt the other person. There is some thinking that is needed. What can destroy your interpreter relationship-when your interpreter doesn't trust you or like you....back to what happened. Frenchy says, "I don't agree with this, I think it is stupid and he is an idiot to do this"...translated over, "ANA says, so you think I am a baby?"....translated. "I think you are an idiot and don't trust my 23 years of experience"....translated..."Well F U I am not signing the paperwork and I am done talking to you, I am done". translated....Frenchy says, "I am Fing done with you to I should just speak French all the time you are a f-ing idiot, I am going back to KAF and not coming back!"....The ANA guy said something, not really sure what it was, but it involved a snap, a karate chop in the air, some spit and a really angry face. Back to square one. We got stuck with the stuff. Two days later Frenchy called me and complained that how the stuff is stored and that it needs to be stored correctly. Hello, it was stored temporarily because you were coming to get it. (We have no room in our containers for it, we have stuff stored outside! No way was I going to store C4 outside-are you nuts?) Then you got into a huge argument and we got stuck with it. I told him if he can't resolve his differences and get the stuff off our hands then I have no choice then to put it back on a truck to Kabul. So, figure this out. I will not be the mentor to his guys, that does no good. He needs to grow up and figure it out. He said he would be gone until the 20th and he would address it when he got back. Fail. I don't want Satar's guys at risk that long. We will resolve it. So we did. Satar spoke to the Commander of the Unit, explained he had an option for them if they were willing to take it. There is an old Aircraft shelter that is being used as an office, use it to store the AMMO and use a container for their office area. The Commander agreed and last Tuesday they came and got the AMMO and it is stored safely and securely. The only one with the key is none other then the ANA Capt Frenchy thought was an idiot....Amazing when things are dealt with as adults. Frenchy doesn't know yet...can't wait to tell him we fixed his ANA problem that he failed to do as their mentor. I have also since spoke to his boss and recommended that he be reassigned in another section that doesn't involve mentor ship, more of a partnership as a worker instead. He will never be able to regain the trust with what he has done to dissolve what he has done.
3. The 101 uses of a forklift. They use the forklift in so many ways that I have to shake my head sometimes and if I can, get a picture. They moved vehicles on the forks, over a long distance. They pick up 40 ft containers, sometimes full of stuff that lifts the back wheels up. They tow vehicles, they dig holes, they use it as a jack. They don't set anything down gently, they drop it. They don't do anything slowly, it is always in a hurry. They will get off of the forklift with a load on it in mid-air. They leave the forks up in mid air, at take your head off height normally. They drag containers, drag vehicles, drag other forklifts. They ride on the forks, ride on anywhere on the forklift really. They never close the door, it just swings around aimlessly. If they are carrying a broken trailer for example and a thing slams back and hits the window and shatters it, well heck, get out, brush the glass off and and keep going-don't worry about fixing the thing that hit the window in the first place....you know the scary part, the people who do drive them-they are the best they have.....
4. Unpacked 81MM rounds are fun to just let roll around....never. Unpacked anything, well it seems okay to them. They ran over a can of 40MM grenades. I am working on getting some guys to blow it up for us, before they blow themselves up. I got them to pick the can up safely and move it to a container, but when they got to the container, they just dropped the can. I ran. It was okay. I had to revisit the notion of if you die what will your family do? We were moving a pallet of Russian Grenades that had "fallen" over. I think the pallet got dropped. Anyways, we were straightening it up so we could store it safely. I am moving the boxes every so gingerly. They come to help and were slamming them around. Hello-Russian grenades that had a sticker on them saying they hadn't been inventoried since 1972!!!! This was the first time I used them dieing theory. They handled them like cartons of eggs, with eyes as big as saucers. We had to fix 2 containers full of 155 Rounds-if you have seen the movie, the Hurt Locker, all those IEDs he was de-arming, they use a 155 Round. They weigh 100 pounds each and are full of White Phosphorous-very dangerous. They were in a container laying on their side-bad. We moved over 300 of them. I could barely raise my arm to brush my teeth. One of the guys was in there trying to help and he had on his sandals. I smacked his feet away and said boots. He tried again, again, boots. I finally had to drag him out of the container and tell him no, boots. He figured it out eventually. It is a battle everyday for them to understand safety.
There are more instances, these are some that stand out as the big ones. I am sure there will be countless more. Just trying to catch up for the last couple of months.
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